Category Archives: Management

About doing and coordinating

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Allergy Testing pt. 1

So after the challenge that was “special eating” in February, I’ve still decided to get me and the kids a general allergy (blood) test.

We spent something like 2 hours in an 84-degree office answering detailed questions and wracking brains to be sure we’d thought of everything possible for each of the four of us.

And we get to go back on Wednesday for the actual blood-draws/pricks.

Now, part of me objects to the extended torture that is five people in a near-airless 6×10 room– especially since, in theory, the test does everything. But another part is intrigued by the naturopath’s effort to tie diverse symptoms to possible causes or solutions/remedies.

One possibility she suggested is zinc deficiency, that’s been tied to sensory integration dysfunction/sensitivity.  This label is something that can both be scoffed at and tied to G/T kids. This (G/T), if you’ll forgive a mother for saying so, I have evidence all the children are.

Which makes perfect sense, considering their parents’ brains “work differently” as well.

So we are adding zinc to our daily supplements, with the hope that it will level out a spectrum of sensitivities displayed by members of our family (yes, I can be more specific in e-mail if it’s important). The main question is whether a zinc deficiency is playing a role in these behaviors or if they are simply elements of personality. And we can’t even know right away because this deficiency take so long to remedy– anywhere from 2 months to a year, she said.

What I want for myself is my tolerance-level for normal kid-stuff (tapping, touching, chewing loudly, spontaneous explosions of sound) to be neutral again, rather than them feeling like personal assaults. “It hasn’t always been this way.”

The progression toward answers goes like this:

  1. Initial consult (Today)
  2. Blood-taking: full draw from me, prick from each of the kids (next week)
  3. Discussion of results (something like 3 weeks later. Apparently the labs take a long time.)

So we’ll keep stop-gapping with what we know about, experimenting with what we don’t, and generally try to live as normal a life as we can with random tummy aches in a house that isn’t ours…

The upside is that the general level of stress seems to have gone down.  I know I’m more relaxed than I have been, and I think the kids are too.  For all this I am *thankful*!

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Waiting…

Well, we’ve made it through our first three weeks on the market without a nibble, so odd are we’re in for the long haul.

I’m in a queer position since I think I can honestly be content either way, but I would *really* like to know so I could feather this nest or… something.

If we sell, I’ll have a new home to build, and it will be exciting, of course. It will also mean being (most-likely) outside of town and (possibly) without a garage for the winter.

If we don’t sell by October we’ll be free of a realtor I will never recommend beyond his selling record (which I’m always very respectful of when I tell the story). And I’ll be in the heart of town with a garage and no extra animals when Jay has his long trip.

But if we don’t sell I might end up homeschooling out of the library– or not, Jay points out since we do have more-or-less schoolbook boxes. (But that’ll mean bringing more stuff home, resulting in a less-clean “show.”  But hey, we’ve got to live too.

The one upside of the stripped house: Laundry only takes two loads.

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Shifting Focus

Have you ever noticed  you become like what you spend the most time with?

This is why I’m always awed and grateful about the Really Awesome People who like me and think I’m worth spending time on.

And now I’m finding a combination of that and how guided I am by titles.

“Family News” might be getting a new name and more content soon.  Because I’m realizing there’s stuff I want to write because I want to write it, and not (anymore just) because I think someone else wants to read it.

And I’m realizing a harder time writing about non-writing stuff on Untangling Tales– largely because I’m connecting with more and more “serious” writers on-line and the eclectic stuff seems to be more suited to this spot.  But it will need a new name.

Probably not “little red onions.” I think that name was inspired by the massive amount of reading I’ve been doing lately. (Soon to be reflected in my sidebars).

In Pandora I have a station I call my “Noveling” station that is crazy-broad in content, but perfect for triggering my intent to write. It’s music that I enjoy and engages my story-mind.

Last night as I cleaned my kitchen (hmm, could I make that a nightly ritual?) I had it playing because it’s my favorite, most varied station.

And I wanted to leave the kitchen and go work on my novel.

So I created a new station.  My desire is for the music-task connection to grow just as solid.

Anyway, my desire for a shift is from realizing the fractured nature of my on-line writing.  If I can change my image of this space (and you, beloved readers, can tolerate skipping the things of no interest to you) I would put everything non-writing here, and eliminate the extra little blogs I created out of a sort of “politeness.”

I want the writing to be separate because the more I meet “serious” writers, the more I figure I ought to have a little corner that looks a bit more professional.

But with moving (or not), and homeschooling, and (maybe) tiny-homesteading, and eating up the learning curve and being excited by that: that is different and jumbled together, and I want a place to let it all dance without worrying if this is something *everybody* is interested in.

I like writing for an audience (even if it’s very small), but since I’m in a place of multiple transitions my blogging is going to reflect that.

Just, a new title would be really helpful, too.

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The official Blurb:

Great location! Only five minutes’ walk from the Joy Elementary School playground and five minutes’ driving from Fairbanks’s largest shopping district, this well-maintained home features laminate flooring, fresh paint, and a double vanity in the master suite. Along with extensive counter space and generous cupboards, the kitchen is equipped with a glass-top range and a brand new dishwasher. The kitchen island is perfect for including children in culinary adventures or entertaining guests in the adjoining living room and dining area. The double garage includes a workbench and lots of shelving. Outside, the lawn is well-established in a fully fenced yard and a small garden plot is waiting, with irises already beginning to grow.

~ ~ ~

They kept trying to use the cheezy, Location, location, location, and I said I’d rather have an exclemation point than repitition.

And the kitchen was described as “functional.”

I can’t speak for every woman, but for me that is a red flag word.

Anyway, I feel about this type of blurb as I do myself: even if it isn’t the most attractive, it’s honest and accurate.

“If I’m to be hanged, let it be for something real.”

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So We’re keeping him.

And life goes on.

Dad’s observation was “It’s only money. And even thousands are small-scale in God’s economy, and He will protect you.”

It was good to hear. I hadn’t gotten that far.

“It’s only money” is one of several lines attached in my mind to my dad.

“Money is just really important to some people,” he said. “Just let them have it, and get away.”

And that, I guess, is what we’re doing now. Lord-willing we’ll never have to sell again, but if we do we know what we’re doing differently.

The fight-or-flight surge that flooded my system hours ago seems to be dispersing, so I hope to sleep soon. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with the descriptive blurb I wrote for our house.

(The end result makes me think of those sentences I used to have to write in elementary school, proving I knew how to use each word properly, that I knew what each meant. The idea was to write one sentence per word, but that wasn’t the letter of the law, and I remember the subversive thrill of creating– usually with my dad’s help– sentences crammed with required words. All used correctly, of course.)

Our house (hyperbolized, for the market):

Five minutes’ walk from the Joy Elementary School playground and five minutes’ driving from Fairbanks’s largest shopping district, this well-maintained home has everything: oversized two car garage with workbench and extensive shelving, fenced yard with established lawn, well-lit and open living space with laminate flooring. Along with extensive counter space and generous cupboards, the kitchen is equipped with a glass-top range and a brand new dishwasher.  Home is full of natural light and fronted by a garden plot with perennials already beginning to grow.

There. Don’t you want to come visit now?

I mean, buy it?

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On Again, Off Again

Our house is “listed” and we have one, maybe two showings this afternoon.

But I felt my “professional pride” personally assaulted to see what “the best in town” actually looks like.

And

Notice the bowing? The distortion? The “stitching” of pictures that doesn’t match the very obvious point of the window?

And the blurb was cheezy.  I mean, well, I suppose all real estate agents must write enough of these to be inoculated by familiarity against noticing certain things, but currently there are two !Exclamation Points! in two sentences.  And three ending our total of five sentences.

Not forgetting the numeral 5 being used to begin one of those sentences, which feels hugely tacky to me.

Yes, none of these thing *really* matter. But when I found out (at the table) last week that I’m being charged an extra $695 on top of the standard 6% (because this team is so! awesome!), my critical/evaluative nature was engaged. And not impressed.

Really, I can’t say with confidence I can do better. What I will say with all assurance is:

I won’t do worse.

I know that statement usually the original is actually *bad,* and I’m not trying to say that. I’m just trying to say that when I pay some to do what I can do, I expect them to do better than me. How much better depends on how much more they charge.

For example, I will buy fancy dresses. But usually only at discount

And I won’t be taking a huge chunk away from our already limited capital.

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Signing papers

On Thursday we’ll be going to the realty office to sign papers that should get us represented.  We’d like to get our house on the market by the weekend. Friday would be even better, because then we could (maybe) have a family-out day most of the weekend to let folks stack up to look at it.

You know this is part of my fantasy don’t you? All the looking bunched together (to get the inconvenience out of the way all at once), multiple offers insuring a full-price sell.  Add a non-critical buyer as well, because we really have done a huge amount of work here.

ETA: Listed the following Wednesday. A few showings Thursday, but no feedback yet.

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Holding on till Tuesday

Up before 4a.m. Making a list to untangle it all.

  • Tea Committee meeting this morning
    • Supposed to proof a doc before then
  • Trying to finish getting the house show-ready this weekend
    • It’s coming down to me now:
      • Bathrooms
      • floors
      • windows
      • dogyard (the timing on that one is tricky this time of year 😉 )
      • curtains/window dressing
        • that I just spent what seems like a fortune on: Solid $80
  • Started Shadow of the Bear (Doman) to get away from it all and ended with the hungry ache that returning to fiction gives me lately (“The smallest taste of a long-missed meal.”).
  • Still numb/reeling at the Idea we’ve submitted an offer on property that represents a *total* life-change
    • distance from town
    • how we’d spend our time
    • entrepreneurship
    • building
    • unbuilding (both structures on the land are *temporary*. One more so than the other)
  • Second writers’ group meeting on Monday– with 3-4 people expecting thoughtful feedback on submitted work
    • And I’ll cut myself on sleep before I renege. This is so early in the forming of our group I can’t bow out– there’s no “understanding” yet built up to withstand any testing.
  • After that I’ve got an “allergy consult” (whatever that means), where I’ll be the guinea pig before I consider submitting the rest of my family to it.
  • Then is the walk-through by the Realtor, when we hope she says, “You’re ready, let’s start the paperwork.”

That’s all by Monday.

Our offer on the land get’s opened that morning, and I have no idea what will be hapening after that, or how fast.

But I don’t have the energy to look past Monday.

Oh, right. That didn’t even include the two family dinners for Easter. Both of which I’m looking forward to, but both also being One. More. Thing. to suck at brain cells.

Sometimes I think Tuesday is my favorite day of the week…

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Packing is like Writing a Novel

When you’re starting out, you can do just the interesting bits, and/or make time (word count) with everything you do.

The further you get the more focused you must be to meet your goal.

One of the “scaredest” things I imagined as I contemplated this move was packing the kitchen.

How does one pare-down the most-used room in the house?

Turns out, the same way I use it: intuitively.  Make-do, think ahead and stop-gap the rest.

I saved everything I turn to first in my weekly cooking (a dozen herbs and spices, oils and all my frying & sauce pans). If I’m constantly washing it, or (not) putting it away, odds are I will miss it. So I leave it available.

I’ve cleaned 8 years worth of greasy dust off the top of my cupboards and moved my many-tentacled plant up there. I’ve emptied half the drawers and cupboards, and again *delighted* in the simple pleasure of cupboards that clean well.

As things stand now it looks like we’ll finish our room and the kitchen this weekend, then we’ll move the computers out of the living room, finish the master bedroom, move the kids in there to re-paint the small bedroom (apparently yellow is an un-marketable color) and we’ll be left with the top-to-bottom scrub of the walls.

Yeah. Still lots of work, but at least we have a progression.  And progress.

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Mom Phrases

By unscientific estimate these are currently my most-used mom-phrases:

  • Low voice.
  • Swallow before you talk.
  • Knees under the table.

I love how they are examples of the economy of language, and the extra elements that come from having story and/or experience behind them.

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“Low-voice” came out of a conversation I overheard in high school. The mother of a friend described a woman with an in-home daycare who had a passel of preschoolers and no high-pitched squeals or auditory explotions because she consciously emphasized this concept of “low voice,” teaching both pitch and volume.

Children really can learn to control their voices.

Granted, personality plays a role: Melody has the hardest time with this of any of my children.  Even so, she knows and has proven the capacity to control her volume– with cuing. Her difficulty is the punch of an opening: it just explodes out of her with all her joie de vivre.

My favorite application of this is when my children are engaged in some crazy-wild child’s play and “scream” and “yell” in intensity-modulated voices.  It doesn’t always work without reminders (as I write this I’m reminding the kids to control their play-noise), but the reality is that asking or requiring self-control over voices is not unreasonable and actually can work.

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Swallow before you Speak still makes me smile when I say it.

When we first got to this stage of parenting (when children can both feed themselves and speak) I used the tried-and-true Don’t talk with your mouth full.  But the kids took it literally and, well, emptied their mouths when they had something too important to wait to say.

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Knees under the table.

This is our latest acquisition, and it does so much it’s already topped my list.

You see, if your knees are under the table, you’re at the table. You’re close enough to eat over your plate/bowl, (the required position for little children) and you’re interacting over the table rather than chair to chair.

I don’t know about other families, but this precludes the majority of our table-time and food/mess issues.

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We have other phrases too, but these are the ones I was thinking of today– phrases that don’t seem to lose their usefulness by repetition.

I know those who think having to repeat yourself is a sign of poor or ineffective training, and that can be true. But I subscribe more to the model that parenting (in part at least) is about carving neural pathways, and I believe that repetition is one of the tools of that.

This is why I like consistent phrases. After a while they have a track playing in their little heads and I don’t need to say it as much.

Case in point: On our way home from anywhere I used to rehearse with the children what we would do when we arrived. Now all I do is ask, “What do we do when we get home?” “Wash hands!” comes the chorus from the back seat.

And lately they’ve been the ones initiating the ritual in the car, and following through without being reminded.  I count that a parenting success.

What are your favorite parenting phrases?

Do you use them yourself or just like the idea?