Got another [much later] scene written this weekend. Chipping away; making progress. Still excited. Still Christmas.
That moment when you’re trying to find the stroganoff recipe from your childhood, and you realize you never really liked it, anyway.
I don’t trust medical professionals anymore.
Or, put more politely, my automatic stance is suspicion and prove-it-to-me.
I don’t remember who posted it on Facebook, but the article was written by an affronted pediatrician who said that parents who don’t trust vaccinations are parent she can’t work with.
“Because if they don’t trust me when I assure them that x, y, & z vaccinations are perfectly, without qualification safe,” (not a direct quote– I don’t have the article in front of me), “Then how are they going to trust my judgement on anything else?”
And I (who am not energetic enough to be *anti* vax, but do question the necessity of the timing of some vax) felt a light go on: this is absolutely the case.
So much of the medical experience I have had (with the notable exceptions of pneumonia, a referral for physical therapy, and discovering a migraine medicine that works most of the time) has been useless at best, and belittling/insulting at worst.
(In this I will quickly acknowledge I’ve had it better than many, whose “worst” slides deeper than mine.)
The point being, I’ve been asking why I put up with feeling sick and weak, or why I don’t seek a formal diagnosis for the kids, or whatever, and it comes down to intense frustration: they don’t have anything better to offer me than I am already doing, and they’ll happily charge me $$ to say so.
Stomach aches, fatigue, depressed mood, all these are “more tests” and head-patting entryways to a system that invites you to be a guinea pig, then tells you what you already know: sleep more, reduce your stress, eat better.
Only their idea of “eat better” is painfully wrong for my body-system, reinforcing my own awareness over their recommendations.
And I’m not even depressed/whatever right now, just looking straight at the issue, thinking how tired I am and wishing I really could trust anyone enough to just delegate health care decisions to, but I can’t. Not yet.
Because I didn’t start out anti-established medicine. I started out 100% standard care, and after repeated, painful “Oops, my bad”s, one starts to agree, “Yeah, you are bad. Tell me again why I should trust you?”
And once more I’m faced with the question of *How much can I really do on my own?*
The answer: Not as much as I want to.
Wow I really resonate with this. Aside from pregnancy, I see doctors for myself very infrequently. This summer I tried to find the cause of a mysterious pain, and with everyone I saw I felt stupid and belittled. Even the hematologist I saw about a clotting disorder that I *have* made me feel stupid. Yes, yes.
I end up wondering how much gets/goes unchanged or unchallenged because the medical professionals shame so effectively.
It makes me think of “those parents” who shame children for being childish, or having needs they (the children) don’t know how to meet (yet).
I’ve had an argument/lecture with parents about how babies crying is not evidence of their “sin nature” and that it is not “sin” for children to inconvenience their parents, it’s their existence.
This makes me think so much about other parts of our culture, too, how assault victims are assumed to be liars, that mental illness isn’t acknowledged, or is shameful. How “spiritual” experiences are always suspect to somebody…
We are a process-based, experiential, empirical society, and that which cannot be observed, explained, or repeatable (all means of “proving”) are either questioned, undermined or ignored.
We are so afraid of being “taken in” that we cannot take anyone in to the shelter of our trust and support.
And the super-sad thing about all this is how significantly therapeutic all that trust and support is being proven to be BY those empirical, observable tests.
I think the internets don’t help society with the whole mistrust issue, either; way with all the scams and hoaxes.
I haven’t been burned by a hoax yet, Jen. It’s all been the humans-being-human.
I was just *waiting* for someone to make this.