Category Archives: Observations

Things I see that I want to remember.

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Pets Teaching, Pets Leaving

I was just recently reviewing what having Maestro (and, earlier, Kricket) has taught (or allowed me to teach) my kids.

  • Having two resilient and transparent self-advocaters has shown the girls a few things.
    • Gentleness
    • Non-violent (and non-screaming) self advocating.
      • Both M and K will/would put up with as much as they wanted, and then leave.
      • Maestro had started batting them away (no claws), if their attention is unwanted, and with some coaching they’ve learned to be sensitive to that.
    • They’ve learned to look for body language– to be observers before they act (we’re working on this in many areas, this is just one more place of reinforcement.
    • Respect
      • Everybody should be able to chose if they feel like playing or not
      • everyone has time when they want more space or want to be alone

This has brought home to me the value of pets with any age of children, but now, coming up on the second time in two years, it’s bringing up another lesson that’s harder for me to decide how to present.

That is, getting rid of the animal.

Kricket served a felt-need in the 5-months we had her, and especially the month Jay was out of the country she was a great comfort to me.

But after he returned home, and she continued to grow, and have energy build-ups, and no outlet, and… generally, make it plain she didn’t fit our family any more, I realized that the reason I had wanted her wasn’t a valid one, and never would happen in this family like it had when I was growing up.

So there was this sense of loss, and praying for the right home for Kricket, and being thankful God provided that.

After she left, we found Maestro, who has been the ideal cat (half-dog, we call him). Only in the last… chunk of time, we’re not sure when it started, he has become more wild and aggressive.

It’s no longer about self-advocating. In the last year the girls have learned to treat him properly, and only push him around when he’s taking up too much room on their beds (he nearly worked Natasha out, a couple of times).

Today it came to a head because two kids got scratched: Elisha by accident and Melody on purpose.

~

When I started talking about getting a dog in the spring, I was sure I wanted to keep Maestro too. He was a good cat, and I didn’t want to be sending a message of “disposabilty” about animals– that you just dump or rotate them when you’re ready for something new. But today I’m leaning more towards thinking this is a safety issue. And Melody has been getting “abuse” for a while now.

I have also talked to a couple cat people, and they reluctantly agree with me.

If there is a lesson the kids can learn from pets going, it would be that pets are different than people. That we value them and care for them, but ultimately people (my children) are more important, and their needs must come first.

I wonder if there’s a way to specifically communicate that.

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Change

I’ve begun to understand why those who have experienced a loss are told to not make any major decisions for X-amount of time. It’s only natural that one will not be thinking clearly for a time.

For example (this is a scenario we’ve talked about but placed it far down the road), I was imagining starting to look for property out-of-town, that we could buy, and build a totally different lifestyle than we have now (we’ve talked about someday getting a milk-goat and a couple of chickens for family use).

It’s ridiculous, of course. I’m just keeping my head above water as it is, and there’s no way I would enjoy moving and/or taking on new responsibilities at this time. But I realized that the reason I wanted this was to have a change I was in control of; because right now I am looking at a change I have no control over at all.

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Political calls, forgiveness, and a 400-degree door

Oh, and we have a 2-year-old who speaks in complete sentences. How often does that happen? I really don’t know, but it seems unique.

I mentioned this to mom and she said, “It only counts if she can be understood.”

“It can be understood,” I said. “Sarah’s the one who told the story.”

“Antee-tarah, my ponytayol come out. Can oo fih it, peas?” [Tell me that’s not the cutest thing you ever heard.] “Tank-oo.”

~~~

Yesterday Rae Ann came over and cleaned my house while I worked on the longer Obit for tonight’s memorial service. While I was working it out the phone rang and it was one of those political telemarketing calls (can something be exponentialy annoying?); Concerned Alaskans for something or other was calling.

“Mrs. Helmericks, did you know that at this moment in the State Legislature–”

“Did you know,” I interrupted with a voice not-quite-steady, “that at this moment I am writing my grandmother’s obituary, and this is not a good time.”

A gratifying amount of awkwardness ensued.

~~~

Last week Natasha came up to me while I was sitting in our big blue chair and asked in her gentle voice, “Mama, do you ever forgive me?” After a Do I ever! laugh, I answered, “Yes, I’ve forgiven you lots of times.”

She embraced my arm tenderly and said sincerely, “I forgive you lots of times too.”

~~~

Today I had Jay drop me off at the DMV to renew my months-expired driver’s license. I wanted to be dropped off in case I was asked (with my 4-months expired license) how I’d gotten there.

When I called to ask Jay to pick me up he said something (over our poor cell-phone connection) that sounded like “oven door came off.” I could hear the stress in his voice.

“You can’t be serious!” I said.

“I am, and I’m on my way,” he said.

As soon as I was in the car I pumped him for the story. It seems Natasha had left one of her shoes in the kitchen, and Jay, stepping back as he checked on a pizza in the oven, felt it under his foot. He thought he’d stepped on Maestro or Melody and immediately picked up the foot again. His weight had already shifted, and so he hung on to the door, trying to catch his balance– and found himself holding a 400-degree door, looking at a half-baked pizza in the open oven.

Thankfully, the door wasn’t actually broken; it’s designed to lift straight up once opened, and the angle Jay pulled it at just lifted it straight out. Discovering this it was easy enough to fix, but didn’t entirely remove the panting moment of adrenaline.

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What the Locusts Have Eaten–lyrics

The song I sung when I was alone with Grandma for the last time.

You are so good in your mercy
Taking what I cannot bear
Taking a heart that was wounded
And making it beautiful, beyond compare

(chorus)
And what the locust have eaten
My Lord can restore
And what the enemy’s taken
My Lord gives me more
And my Jesus will mend my heart
When my heart’s torn.

There’s nothing that my Jesus cannot restore.

You are so good in your mercy
You take all I don’t understand.
Taking a life that was wounded and broken
and bearing it up by your hand

(chorus)

(The way I sing Dennis Jernigan’s song)

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How disappointing…

That’s what Grandma said Friday when Mom told her she (Gma) probably has cancer in her blood.

The doctor has sent her bone-marrow samples off to a different lab to see why the cancer didn’t show up in the earlier test, and to confirm this diagnosis. (This is my understanding of things).

Doctor Carroll has said that if anyone wants to see her again they should make travel plans now, because this is a very fast-acting cancer. Mom has been tight-lipped about an actual time-frame, saying diagnosis kills as many people as diseases. She’s told Grandma that if she lives another six years people can come back then, but we want to be ready for anything, so we’re telling folks to come now. Only she doesn’t think it will be six years. She very concerned about the “dying from diagnosis” phynomenon.

Gma’s ready to go on living, and having a (more) finite life-span before her really is disappointing to her. She enjoys life.

I was very disappointed too. I had hoped that something about the hospital environment was oppressing her, holding her back. Because then taking her home would “fix” her. Now we’re told there’s nothing that will, and we are reduce to waiting and watching. And “comfort-measures.”

How do I watch my (2nd) best-friend die? I just do. Figure it out as I go along.

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Parents are great

Teena was visiting this evening, and (in her words) had to “keep busy.” She and Jay cleaned most of the kitchen while I was nursing Elisha. It was so wonderful.

Last Saturday my mom came by before Melody’s b-day party and helped me begin organizing the mounds of clothes that have been threatening to overwhelm the yellow room. We made great progress.

I am so thankful our parents continue to give into our lives even after we’re “all grown-up.”

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Bedtime

Moonlight

I’d like to see Rabbits under the moon
Dancing in winter, dancing in June
Dancing around while twilight lingers
and blinky-eyed stars
look down through their fingers.

I’d like to see rabbits under the moon
but I always,
always
have to go to bed too soon.
~~

I can’t remember who wrote it, but it’s one of the girls’ favorites. They both say it with me as eagerly as they sing “Row row boat.” Continue reading →

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Have you met…?

I’ve heard of “wedding crashers” before; yes, even before the movie. I’d never thought to apply the term to anybody who shows up uninvited to a party. The “crashers” part.

I was at a 10th anniversary celebration Friday night. That’s where this story comes from. Apparently (before I arrived) there was this barefoot guy wandering around the pavilion/gazebo thing, and nobody knew who he was. Bride asked various friends who he was/here with, and nobody knew.

Finally one of them went independently to the young man and asked, “May I introduce you to the bride and groom?”

I love it.

When the 10-years-married bride approached him herself he looked at her a little funny (she was wearing a tiara of small flowers, but her dress was a simple sundress). “Are you the bride?” he asked, hesitantly.

“Yes,” she said, almost as surprised to be addressed that way. “Yes I am.”

“Nobody knew who he was,” she told me later. “I was just going over to introduce myself.”

He left shortly afterwards. I have to wonder if he was full or had been shamed into leaving. And I’ll have to remember that line about “introducing.” Good stuff, that.

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Observations

Currently Watching
House, M.D. – Season One
see related

Jay and I were talking again last night about how were alike, and different.

At the store yesterday, I was on-assignment to buy the first season of “House” with a 20%-off coupon. While I was there I ended up buying an additional 4 movies. There was a display of $7.50 DVDs and I just grabbed two I was interested in, then two I knew Jay would love.

Later I asked Jay if it bothered him I bought something extra (unessential, un-budgeted for) without checking in with him. He pointed out his (much more) expensive purchase a few seasons ago, that he knew I wouldn’t like and he did anyway. (He also liked that I picked out the two for him, so he wasn’t inclined to feel annoyed).

But what we each chose was what led to the discussion. He bought a snow machine helmet (though we don’t own a snow machine), and I bought movies.

He bought something for doing (especially with his brothers/family) and I bought stories.