Category Archives: Management

About doing and coordinating

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Homeschool: Not Optional for Us.

(Initially published at Untangling Tales)

I think the reason Kendra’s post meant so much to me was wrapped up in #5, and the rest were about understanding and surviving in that universe.

5. For many of us, homeschooling isn’t an option. Many believe it is not only the best way for their family, it is the only way… When sharing a particular struggle unique to homeschooling, comments like, “Well, why don’t you consider putting them in school? Maybe homeschooling just isn’t your thing” aren’t helpful. Instead, offer a listening ear and your fervent prayers on her behalf.

Jay and I have talked about this many times, and I constantly pray (and begin research projects) to be prepared. I feel so passionately about this it’s hard sometimes to remain neutral when a friend or relative begins proselytizing about their own child’s school situation (or offering to help us out by sharing something from that lovely program.)

This might rankle some because I am working so hard not to do the same. Not that I yet have any “miracles” to offer, just that I refrain from sharing a list of our reasons to stay home that will inevitably sound like attack on their parental skills/love for letting their own child(ren) go off.

Disclaimer of course: I know public school is the only (or even perhaps right) option for some people. I think I am more frustrated by the unexamined expectation that *this is just what you do with your kids.*

Jay and I feel a near-moral obligation to keep our kids home, and so we (at least, I) feel frustrated by the emphasis of things (even as benign as Sesame Street) on going away to school and the hype of large crowds *just your own age* (and little adult supervision or interaction).

The more I research, the more I feel sure this is what we must do, and the more I *wish* I were the organizationally-gifted type.

(I chose to copy this over here because I just created a “homeschooling” category and waned to keep the topic grouped.)

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Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow!

Our living room has returned to its proper place (sans bookcase). And we’re still trying to figure out where the tape deck, etc. will go in our new arrangement, but the girls room is back to its normal level of stuff, and I’m suddenly energized.

Lara (from church) says her coping mechanism is just to tell herself it will never get any better, and this is the environment she must learn to function in. I don’t know if I could do that, but I must say, having now a genuine possibility for order has increased my desire to create it.

I almost wish we didn’t have the morning booked with library story-time, etc. I just want to go for it!

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First Reading Lesson

I did lesson one in the Distar book with Natasha tonight. I think she wasn’t really very interested, but the premium mama-time was too valuable to pass-up.

I saw right away the difficulty resulting from of teaching letters before sounds (something the introduction expounds on, eloquently, though I honestly don’t know how to avoid it: “You, there, Grandma! Quit telling the girl her alphabet!” I mean, really!)

Natasha made both the mistakes the introduction describes: wanting to say letter names rather than sounds, and (at one point) exclaiming, “M! That starts with mouse!”

What ended up working well was describing names, as opposed to the sounds they make. I used kitty as an example: “Its name is cat, but it says ‘meow.’ Yes, this is an ’em,’ but is says ‘mmmmm,’ and that’s what we’re using right now.” The analogy seemed to work for her, but the “say it fast” game didn’t go smoothly at first.

I think we’ll repeat lesson 1 before we go on to lesson 2. Tomorrow, I hope. She almost seemed to get the idea of things toward the end, but I didn’t want to hammer things into the ground on our first day.

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Looking for Answers

Currently Reading
Discover Your Child’s DQ Factor: The Discipline Quotient System
By Greg Cynaumon
see related

I bought this book (among others) when we had our foster boy.

I returned to it this week when I began to see my children and myself in my memories of its stories (“My kid just won’t stop X no matter what I try.”)

The main problem is that I think I know exactly what is needed (more one-on-one cuddle/reading/interaction time mainly) and am too stretched by our current living situation to do more than what I am. So my present methodology seems limited to putting out the occasional fire. Or trying to. Or ignoring it.

*sigh*

I have my kitchen back, but there is still very little peace in this place. Sleep schedules are skewed, and tension is higher than normal from the tiredness and lack of order.

If anything this experience has solidified my insistence that we will never build our own house. If we ever feel the need for that much “custom,” someone else will make it and have a *deadline.* And we will not live there before it is done.

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And it’s Done.

I took Maestro to the shelter as soon as Jay got home with the warm car.

What tipped the scales was when I discovered an attitude-ladden Maestro lying impassively on top of a screaming Elisha in his crib.

I dumped the cat out, and told him, “That’s the end. That’s what I needed to know.”

My decision only felt confirmed when the girls came to say goodbye to him, and he slapped away their gentle pets. And then (this really ticked me) while Natasha sat quietly beside him, talking to me, he began to swipe and bite at her nearby hand.

All we can guess is that the “adult personality change” I’ve read about (yes, he’s neutered) hit him really hard at the same time as the flooring project disrupted his world and pushed him over the edge.

But at least this way Natasha was reminded at the last about the why we were doing it. She was sad when I first told her, and said, “But he’s nice now.”

Her responses seemed unformed and hard to nail-down, really. Her first response was, “Can we get a dog?” and when told that now wasn’t the time she became sad Maestro was leaving.

She snuggled into my shoulder a little while before going out to say goodbye. I think Maestro’s lack of affection helped this whole process.

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Pets Teaching, Pets Leaving

I was just recently reviewing what having Maestro (and, earlier, Kricket) has taught (or allowed me to teach) my kids.

  • Having two resilient and transparent self-advocaters has shown the girls a few things.
    • Gentleness
    • Non-violent (and non-screaming) self advocating.
      • Both M and K will/would put up with as much as they wanted, and then leave.
      • Maestro had started batting them away (no claws), if their attention is unwanted, and with some coaching they’ve learned to be sensitive to that.
    • They’ve learned to look for body language– to be observers before they act (we’re working on this in many areas, this is just one more place of reinforcement.
    • Respect
      • Everybody should be able to chose if they feel like playing or not
      • everyone has time when they want more space or want to be alone

This has brought home to me the value of pets with any age of children, but now, coming up on the second time in two years, it’s bringing up another lesson that’s harder for me to decide how to present.

That is, getting rid of the animal.

Kricket served a felt-need in the 5-months we had her, and especially the month Jay was out of the country she was a great comfort to me.

But after he returned home, and she continued to grow, and have energy build-ups, and no outlet, and… generally, make it plain she didn’t fit our family any more, I realized that the reason I had wanted her wasn’t a valid one, and never would happen in this family like it had when I was growing up.

So there was this sense of loss, and praying for the right home for Kricket, and being thankful God provided that.

After she left, we found Maestro, who has been the ideal cat (half-dog, we call him). Only in the last… chunk of time, we’re not sure when it started, he has become more wild and aggressive.

It’s no longer about self-advocating. In the last year the girls have learned to treat him properly, and only push him around when he’s taking up too much room on their beds (he nearly worked Natasha out, a couple of times).

Today it came to a head because two kids got scratched: Elisha by accident and Melody on purpose.

~

When I started talking about getting a dog in the spring, I was sure I wanted to keep Maestro too. He was a good cat, and I didn’t want to be sending a message of “disposabilty” about animals– that you just dump or rotate them when you’re ready for something new. But today I’m leaning more towards thinking this is a safety issue. And Melody has been getting “abuse” for a while now.

I have also talked to a couple cat people, and they reluctantly agree with me.

If there is a lesson the kids can learn from pets going, it would be that pets are different than people. That we value them and care for them, but ultimately people (my children) are more important, and their needs must come first.

I wonder if there’s a way to specifically communicate that.

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No Resolutions, Just Goals

  1. Stick with bible reading plan
    • I really appreciate that the schedule seems to be divided thoughtfully rather than mathematically,
    • Also like the built-in “catch-up” days: No scheduled readings every 7th day, or after the 28).
  2. Begin reading program with Natasha.
  3. Reclaim my house after this madness. (I will be SOOO happy to have my kitchen back!)
  4. In May (or sooner, if I have my dog sooner) start the Couch to 5K running plan.

So there they are:the bare minimum
I hope to accomplish this year.
I have others, of course.
Many others.
Always.

But to declare (and try) for too much would be discouraging, I think. So I’ll just focus on this for now, and if it all becomes natural and thoughtless (in a good way) I’ll have room to add more.

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Flooring, Day Two

We have come to the end of our second day on the flooring project and the girls (I too, to a lesser extent) already have cabin fever.

I never realized how much more exercise (or at least movement) was available in a house this size, and suddenly being constrained to the least open areas has been a challenge. With all the great masses of stuff from the front rooms now redistributed through the house and garage, there is even less room than usual in what’s left to play in.

The girl’s room, for example, has about three square feet not covered with furniture and sundries.

Jay is getting plenty of exercise and mental stimulation, and doesn’t seem to quite understand the mental state of the rest of us, but fortunately he is very accommodating by nature and we’ve found reasons the last couple days to get out in the evenings.

It pulls Jay away from time he could spend on the project, but since they are also things he wants to do (we looked into getting a new range tonight) it’s still been enjoyable.

Or current range, on a side note, is very basic, with only one large coil, no window in the door, and (this is the biggie to me) no time-bake. The one we’d get (we haven’t quite decided to go for it) doesn’t have these faults and in addition to other virtues has no exposed coil in the oven. To me this was one of the coolest things.

Jay’s said having the appliances out of the kitchen is a nice excuse to look at new ones– but we’re only seriously thinking about the range right now.
The kids and I will try to go visiting tomorrow.

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Setting it in Stone

(Posted simultaneously at Untangling Tales.)

I am officially limiting myself.

I “flipped a coin” (it wasn’t a literal coin, I was driving) and– as I’ve noticed in the past– found while it was in the air what it was I really wanted.

  • Storytelling is on-hold. Maybe for a decade. Lord willing, I will eventually return.
  • Piano is on-hold. I am tired of not moving forward as efficiently as I could in any instrument. I will be enjoying the beautiful Rainsong Jay picked out for me just after Elisha was born.

Jay and I have always known we wanted to homeschool our children, and Natasha is definitely ready and willing to learn new skills. So this conscious limiting is directly tied to the research and preparations I have begun in order to lay the groundwork for her schooling.

It is not so much the schooling that I see as the challenge, but maintaining a smoothly-running household at the same time. I have come across some very nice resources.

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Vacation (at home) begins

I did a couple silly things this morning:

  • Meaning to press the ice lever for a cube in my hand (I usually put ice in Melody’s porridge so she doesn’t have to wait as long to eat it) I pressed the water lever instead

After cleaning that up (as I told Jay what happened)

  • I pressed the ice lever—forgetting the icemaker was still in the sink from thawing during our trip last week.

Jay laughed. “I did that during our first day home,” he said. “I wasn’t going to say anything.” I chased him with the ladle a few laps around the island.

“Put something else cold in it,” he said after I started ladling stuff into Melody’s bowl.

“Like what—Peas?” Jay went off to clean in another room (we’re working on our backlog of cleaning during Jay’s time-off), and I remembered the bag of frozen strawberries in the big freezer.

Jay returned as I was adding one to Melody’s cereal.

“Look at this and tell me I’m brilliant,” I said.
“Oh I’ve never doubted you were brilliant,” he said easily. “Only your higher math and organizational skills.” I had to laugh.

A little bit later he came back into the room and said, “Now me, I’ve got the higher math skills, but I’m just as ‘Organizationally challenged.’” Continue reading →