This is a glue stick.
This is lip-stuff.
And he’s not allowed to apply either one yet.
He is currently moaning in my lap over the unfairness of life.
Category Archives: Elisha
All the Kids are Sick Today
Melody’s fever seemed to break last night, but she’s still coughing and emotional/clingy today, along with other symptoms.
Elisha has a low fever and isn’t keeping anything down. We keep feeding and watering him “against orders” because Jay figures if the boy’s going to be throwing-up anyway we might as well make it less painful.
This is a new symptom that we hope doesn’t mean he’s got a different virus. We really don’t want a whole other round rotating through the kids.
Natasha registered a mouth temp of 104 when we took it this morning, but the Ibuprofen seemed to manage it and she’s almost normal again.
It’s interesting how she and Melody seem to feel fevers differently. Melody feels cold and shivery, wanting snuggled, while Natasha was irritable and hot, kicking off the blankets and complaining.
She, too, wanted Mother near, but not particularly to snuggle.
Elisha fell asleep again partway through the morning and while he was resting the girls and I got to play some memory (from some of these printed cards I pasted on purple cardstock) and started teaching them how to remember by cumulatively reviewing after each pair was turned over.
It was challenging at first, because the first 10 or so cards were all different. But that turned out to be a good thing once we started turning over duplicates, because everyone remembered where the matches were.
We didn’t keep score and we helped each other with what we were close to. So it was a neat time.
It was devolved by necessity after Elisha woke up. He’s getting better about not messing up games on-purpose, but now he’ll try to play and confuse things that way (the larger cards cover so much ground it’s easy to mess them up once they’re about half paired-off).
Today’s “Funs”
Natasha (commenting on the shape of the syrup she just poured): Look, it’s like octopus tentacles grouped above its head!
Interesting that a girl who still says “muquis” instead of “music” can articulate “Octopus tentacles.”
Melody (at breakfast): Mommy, can you scoot me in the proper way?
And when I went down the hall to learn what Elisha was up to, I saw him sitting quietly on Natasha’s bed, “reading” his opposites board book with a stuffed seal under one arm.
I’ve got such sweet, fun kids.
Setting Goals
So, mainly from recognizing the influence that goals had on me as a foster parent, I’ve decided I need to set goals for my own kids. And these are going to be basic, realistic goals here.
“Independently using the potty” is too big a goal for Melody just now. We’re going to start with just “Uses the potty when cued without complaining.”
For Elisha, the big one I would have put at the top of his list Jay just saw the fruition of Saturday night: Understanding and accepting the concept of ‘taking turns’.
Jay has been consciously working on that goal every time he has all three kids together. Elisha would consistently wig-out at having to let the ball go and watching someone else catch it.
Then, Saturday night when I was out storytelling, Jay was throwing the ball to each of them in turn, saying their names before tossing it, and Elisha got it. He sat and waited until his name was called, and then came alive, “catching” the ball and then throwing it back to Jay to pass to the next kid.
*Very* cool. A lot of kids older than 20 months still don’t have this figured out 😉
So here are my little-step goals I want to keep in mind as we go through our days (the mechanism of attaining the goals is not always obvious, but I found before that focusing on the goals seems to shape what happens into meeting them).
For Natasha:
- Will use consistently kind words and tone, even when frustrated with siblings.
- Will be willing to read aloud when cued.
- Will put away books and toys when finished.
For Melody:
- Will use the potty when cued, without complaining.
- Will begin spontaneous sentences in a low voice.
- Will use words to express emotions, rather than crying or pouting.
For Elisha
- Will use words and signs rather than grunts for specific requests.
- Will patiently wait during diaper changes.
- Will stop grabbing objects from others.
All of these are things that we don’t currently have, but are (I believe) near enough that they’re not unreasonable.
Books Figure Largely in Our Lives
Like I mentioned earlier, I spent most of January 1st working on books.
The girls and I traded bookshelves in our bedrooms. These pictures are the girls washing their “new” kid-sized bookshelf.
And then I saw Elisha in his little rocking chair, sitting with “Where the Wild Things Are” in a perfect photo-op set-up. But Jay flopped out behind him on the bed and the boy immediately climbed over the back of the chair to get his daddy to read to him.
There were so many great expressions the camera was *just* too slow to catch, but these were still fun too.
That last one is E roaring at the pictures of the “wild things.”
It’s so fun to watch my family do stuff together!
Elisha’s beginning to transition to verbal.
Elisha said “Mama” yesterday, very distinct. It was so clear I didn’t realize at first it was him talking.
He also managed a distinct, polite “no” today, in answer to a question. Up till now he’s communicated that by shaking both his head and shoulders (like he knows the body language, but hasn’t figured out the muscle isolation). I think it’s adorable. I also think he looks a little dizzy every time he does it.
“Come” Training
At the book store last week Elisha met a little girl his size who was there with her father.
Both kids were dinging around (not-listening) and after a while I had to round up my three and take them to the bathroom for a diaper change (not going to leave anyone unsupervised, of course).
The dad (he seemed young to me) saw me herding them all and shook his head saying, “And I thought my hands were full!”
Smiling at the new thought I told him, “You’ll find that your hands grow.”
~ ~ ~
But the incident made me realize that I needed to do something about Elisha’s not-listening. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and finally got to do something about it today.
While out grocery shopping (morning-shopping is *awesome* even with three little kids in tow) Elisha wanted to be out of the cart like his sisters. He then ran the other way when I called him to come closer.
This earned him a swat and a time-out in the cart. He came four or five times on the first call before he tested me again. He is relishing his new freedom, as I am relishing his growing understanding and obedience.
We both know now that he can come when called, and that there are positive and negitive results for every behavior. All that remains to be worked out (and I’m having to re-train the girls a bit in this, as his understanding depends on their modeling) is what freedom looks like.
When we shop the stores are mostly empty, so I let the girls run around as much as they like, as long as there’s no one else in the isle and we can see one another. This allows for a great deal of freedom while still having specific (if invisible) boundaries.
These I’m much more lenient in enforcing, because I think they might be a little too subtle for Elisha to grasp.
But this training reminded me that having to “count” to make a child obey means they’ve already disobeyed. Counting (and I count backwards: 3-2-1) is the parent’s way of saying
I really don’t want to enforce this rule right now. Are you going to make me?”
And the kid decides (or doesn’t) that s/he doesn’t really want it enforced either.
I counted once with Elisha– out of habit, I do it so much with Melody– before I realized how silly it was. He has no concept of the counting, and for him to learn to obey at once will be much more pleasant anyway.
Catching up
Well, it’s been a while so I wanted to write something 😉
We spent a lovely week up North with Jim and Teena, half of it also with Aaron and Autumn, allowing me the rare opportunity to talk with them and especially to get to know Autumn better. Very special.
If I haven’t said so before, Elisha is definitely not a baby anymore. He is done nursing, plays with the big kids, and knows his own mind. He is picking up quickly on new signs, loves his animal-noises book and when he uses an English word it can be surprisingly distinct– once you realize he’s saying a word.
(“Stuck” was one that debuted at Grandma Teena’s house. And he was.)
Melody has been nearly dry for two days– that is to say, I think she had two wet diapers yesterday, and only one today. She was also dry all night.
Still doesn’t seem to care much though. I praise her when she’s dry but she *hates* to be “reminded” (nagged) so this is still very much going at her pace. This is the same progression that happened with Natasha a little bit earlier age, even, so I’m content just riding along for a while more.
The less I rush it the less trained I have to be.
Natasha has been very snuggly lately. I mentioned to Dad tonight that if I didn’t have snuggly kids I might be mourning more the growing up of my babies. But since they all are still little starfish– desiring to be with and on and attached to me– I have nothing to miss except their smallness, which I only miss when I’ve been holding them, standing, for way too long.
Natasha is, I think, more ready for focused, orderly, school work, but that is currently on-hold until I learn a new way to provide her was the structure she needs and shelter that order from her siblings who do not currently crave the same type of order.
All the Children love to dance– at home– all it takes is putting on one of their favorite recordings and they are instantly into it. Natasha will sing along too, sometimes, when encouraged. Mom is hoping we can get all the kids to sing together when her other grandkids are in town for a few days.
I have my doubts about its chance for success, but maybe having older models will be enough to surprise me.
Practicing Being a Man
After a wedding last year Jay was surprised to realize how early a little girl’s wedding fantasies could begin. This week I was surprised to learn how early a little boy could begin acting like a man.
~
When visiting the homestead I always feel uncomfortable having my little children around Toby. He’s very dominant and doesn’t listen well to me, which, I admit, disposes me more against him.
He’s only actually acted dangerous when the kids are running and shreaking (usually from an uncle or Grandpa playing “monster”), but whenever the dog wanders into the vicinity of the children someone will tell him to get away. I prefer it this way.
One morning Toby followed a bunch of us into the back of the house. Teena told him to get on his way and he wandered into a bedroom further down the hall. Elisha kept stumping toward Toby as he walked away from us, and shook his finger in the empty hallway, grunting authoritatively ( “Ungh! Ungh!”).
Then he took my finger and tottled around until he was between me and the room the dog had gone into, then he *pushed* me ahead of him up the hallway. He watched the bedroom door all the way, and when Toby poked his head out it prompted another series of fierce grunts and finger-shaking.
He didn’t let go of me or stop pushing until he’d taken us straight to the room where Jay was working. When he saw his dad and I started telling the story, Elisha wandered off in his normal, aimless, little-boy way.
But there was no question that for a while there he was very focussed on protecting his Mama and getting her where he thought she’d be safe.
Lots of Elisha Milestones this Week
Monday:
Elisha was fussing with Jay at bedtime, wanting me (trying to get away from Jay) and Jay told him (as he has before) that Mama was helping the girls go to sleep and he’d have to wait till I was available. For the first time he seemed to understand, settling sadly back to wait with Daddy instead of continuing to fight.
He fell asleep for me in five minutes. Just in the rocking chair. I haven’t bedtime-nursed him for abut a week now (first night was Killer, but it’s been great since then– one or no wakings a night).
Tuesday:
- Elisha picked-up the “apple” sign in about two goes. Absolutely sweet grin– he knows he’s doing something new and special.
- Elisha followed directions (in all fairness, he’s known “clean that up” for a while now– after he spills something he knows how to use a towel). I asked him to take an apple slice to Melody after he got his and he went to the other room to bring it straight to her.
- First day he went to nap without nursing. In fact, no nursing at all today.
- Let me lay him in down at bedtime while he was still awake. (He’s done this for Jay before, but not for me).
Today:
He let me lay him down at nap while he was still awake. I have to wonder if he rolls with this because he sees his sisters do it every day. For what ever reason, I laid down all three kids today (albeit late for nap) and walked out of the room knowing they were still awake, expecting them to go to sleep.
Like I said. Milestones. This is awesome.