My First Break

In two weeks… And I hope it’s my last for a long time.

Today, for the first time in two weeks, I didn’t walk upon waking.

Yes, I felt less-tired tired, but not in a restful way.  I felt agitated, and wondered (not for the first time in this two weeks) if the reason I’ve frequently been pegged as being “wired” is just that I didn’t have a regular outlet.

Being tired in my mind, or from lack of sleep, were never this relaxing: they always keyed up my anxiety or focus on the minutia of spiritual/home/writing life. Never something that made it a blessing to go to bed.  I didn’t want to be alone with my mind’s busy-ness.

In this space of time I’ve felt my world shrink.  I am less stressed because (for example) I’m not trying to clear a flat surface to work a project: the project is to clear the flat surface.

I have absolutely nothing to talk about because my world is consumed, quite simply, with myself and my family and my home (maybe even in that order…).  I exercise, plan (and cook) healthy meals, clean my house and teach my children.  And other than the having “nothing” to talk about (since I figure no one could be that interested in the smallness of my current world), I’ve been constantly surprised at how mellow and content I’ve been with all this.

Lord willing, I’ll be walking again tomorrow and I’ll confirm the stability I felt was the gift finding a ballance between my mental and physical needs and not merely a pause in a garbled life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *