Category Archives: Life Untangling

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New House

Our offer has been accepted.

We are now waiting for the title-search to be initiated by the seller (their job) and once it comes back clean we can write a check.

We won’t be debt-free yet. We still have to sell our house for that (back on the market in February is the plan). But then it will be fully ours.

Still trying to wrap my head around that.

I am so excited it’s really. not. funny.  Feeling so vested I feel like too much is at stake. At the same time I’m trying to convince (imagined) critical voices to get off my back: Yeah, I see problems. It’s not a perfect place, but as Jay so succinctly expressed it:

This place meets our goals.

And not just the stated ones.

The articulated goal was a small place (with running water) on a chunk of land that could be debt-free with the sale of our house.

The extras:

  • A big front room (open spaces do a lot for my sense of peace). This is not a box we can’t turn around in.
  • a dedicated laundry room (I’ve been doing laundry in our garage for the last 8 years)
  • a dry cabin just outside the front door (seriously, I don’t know if I’d want someone living that close to me ) Jay and I hope to turn into a “reference library” so all our books can be accessible at once without cluttering the house with books we need less-often.
  • A huge (seriously, huge) shed behind the house so that (once we weatherproof it.  Which it needs) we can remove all the stuff in storage at my folks’ place, both to give them their garage back and to have all our own stuff accessible on our own property.
  • Lots of water.  An artesian well a stone’s throw from the house, a creekish thing and a pond or lake, depending on your definition.
    • Have I already mentioned here how I’ve always wanted ducks, as opposed to chickens? The water is cool to me for that reason. Not that I really want to deal with wintering ducks (yet), I just really like the option being an easy one.

There are a few car carcasses in the woods that we’ll have to get rid of, and, yeah, I’m a little tense to see what’s hiding under the snow on these 6 acres, but I’ve been keen on this property since the first time it hit my radar on October 16th.

And it’s not solid till it’s signed, so the rug could still get pulled from under me until that day, but I’m trying to think on the words of a friend who’s just seen the picture of the Chinese daughter she’s been waiting three years to meet.

I told her how scared I was to have my heart so set on something that isn’t settled.

“God can change your heart,” she said gently. “Your heart can be in it, and if it’s not right God can change that and heal it.”

It’s struck me lately how many precious people in my world are also waiting: for a baby to be born, for an adoption, for test results, for transfer notices; and we share the instability, trying to “bear one another’s burdens” while also “carry[ing our] own load.”

~

The offer included a 15-day deadline to closing, so at least I have an end to the question.

And I am hopeful.  And excited.

It’s no small thing to imagine I have a space, not only to hide from showings in (what a blessing it will be not to live in the house we’re trying to sell as “pristine”) but also to have a genuine “starter” home that we will live in (as or if) we build another “forever” home.

I am encouraged to think this verse applies to us:

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin. (Zechariah 4:10)

And we pray our work will bring him glory.

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Spoons

Quick story:

Two women were out for coffee one day, and Sally was trying to get Mary to commit to a particular project two days away.  Mary hemmed and hawed, before finally admitting she was having emotional and health issues that left her with little energy for more than the basics.

“And sometimes I barely make the basics,” Mary confided.  “It was hard to even to get here today.”

Sally gripped her cup a bit tighter and asked Mary what she’d rather be doing.

Mary blushed, and asked Sally if she was done with her spoon.  Holding Sally’s spoon, and her own, Mary snagged a handful of spoons from an unbussed table nearby.

“Let me show you something.” Mary laid out the spoons in a row. Seven of them.

“This spoon is getting three children fed and out the door in time for school.  This spoon is getting to a meeting on time. And some days, like today I only have four spoons. And one of those was used up showering and getting ready for the day.”

“This is your way of saying you have a finite amount of energy,” said Sally, now understanding.

“And that I value you a great deal,” said Mary, “even if I couldn’t be here.”

I am currently very low on spoons.  I welcome your prayers.

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Specializing… soon.

Just now I’m feeling like all I want to do in my free-time is write, but I have to admit that there are are more interactive projects out there, and a lot of them look really cool both to me and my kids.

Here’s what I’m tucking away for later.

And a recipe to file away for when we seriously try for dairy-free: Coconut milk

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Looking for Rhythm

This is a “preaching to myself” post.  What I need to hear/remind myself right now.

One thing I like schedules for:

  • To show that it’s possible (or not) for everything to be done that needs to be done.

If you are looking for advice (wonderfully detailed, practical advice) on how to assemble a schedule, look at the resource Managers of their Homes at Titus2.com. That is where I got the information I am about to share with you.

The funny thing is that my newly-promoted-to-manager husband attended a training seminar not long before I started processing this information, and he said this method (minus the acknowledgment of God) is the same as he was taught in his workshop.

~ ~ ~

The most useful thing to start with is a basic understanding of God, his character, and your place in his world.

As I have enjoyed quoting before: “God does not have to depend on human exhaustion to get His work done.” And, “There is enough time in each day to get done what God wants you to get done.”

With this in mind, prayerfully make a list of what you feel God wants you to get done in a day.

Not what you think you “should” get done or really *want* to get done (there are still approximately 3 more instruments I want to learn to play).

Seek God’s will, try to see through his eyes.

Continue reading →

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If We’re not Striving for Perfect

What’s the alternative?

Has anything is this world been accomplished by pursuing the mediocre? Or the minimum?  Jesus himself set the bar pretty high: Be perfect.

I understand the calls away from such “impossible” standards, though.  We could get terrifically discouraged by never meeting a goal we were seriously striving for. So where’s the middle ground?

One of my measures I use for “appropriate engagement” (if perfectionism is a bad word) is Paul’s admonition “Only let us live up to what we have already attained.”

I thought that it was brilliant when I first came up with it.  After all, I’m human, and weak and all that, so I’m not shooting too high. And I’m not comparing myself with someone else.

But as I tried actively to apply it I still became discouraged, because, well, I really do have moments of amazing. And they are far less than consistent.

How can I justify that?  How can I explain the difference between that woman who can corral and motivate a dozen children between the ages of 3 and 7, and the woman who has to remind herself to smile and speak kindly to those same delightful children when she’s completely uninterested?

How can I — when I’m not even working on my novel— explain the difference between effortless maintenance of my home and the soul-swallowing discouragement of a kitchen I can’t keep clean.

I don’t quite beat myself up over it, but I have wondered a long time.

When I guessed there might be a hormonal connection I got really discouraged, because here was something completely beyond my control.  It made me feel incredibly weak (or insulted) to imagine I only had a particular ability because of largely random timing. That I couldn’t expect it to last.

It felt so unfair and unnatural.

Then I thought of your typical cold-blooded lizard.

I swear this is not a reflection on my self-image. 😉

Here is a creature *completely* dependent on elements outside its control.

A lizard on a sunny day can seem almost magically fast, energized, and even clever.  That same critter in winter (or in the cool of night) seems like a different animal altogether.

The encouraging thing, if one chooses to see it this way, is that the lizards don’t even try to do the same things (or not to the same level) when it’s not warm enough to engage their full powers.

In addition they have coping/survival skills in place for those anticipated times when they will be vulnerable. They make different choices and behave differently in order to maximize their available resources.

So that’s been my thinking lately– how best to maintain an even keel when the energy is lacking in a particular area. How to have a meaningful double standard for those things I don’t (consistently) soar in.

I am not interested in “curing” perfectionism.  I still strive for it, because I believe in that I am being obedient to Christ. But I maintain hope, because of God’s promise that

He knows what we are made of,
remembering that we are dust.

And I know that if I wasn’t “striving,” I would not have discovered the many delights God was ready to bless me in.

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Sometimes I Wonder

Whether I’m trying to do too much.

The to-do/to-learn list generated today (just for the kitchen. Yes we did school):

  • Make Ketchup (this recipe or this one look too adventurous for now. I’ll start here.)
  • Make “un-soy” sauce — since we can’t eat soy anymore (had this with lettuce rolls last night.  Wonderful.)
  • Prep Peaches/nectarines for food drier
  • Learn how to make lard
  • Research how to make coconut yogurt (For my goal of getting us dairy-free for at least 3 or 4 weeks, to see if it helps)
  • Sandwich bread
  • Make laundry detergent (the girls are looking forward to seeing/participating with this one)
  • Ham and chicken chowder (so the thawed meat is used in a timely manner)

And, yeah, it is too much, actually.

I even removed making graham crackers from the list.

But since going gluten-free, I sort of see this doing-too-much as a sort of “overhead” for the life we’re growing into. The un-soy, for example, or any number of breads and baked goods in their all their (tiny-amounts-of-multiple-ingredients) glory, is something I know how to manage now.

And I like how it leads to my being both more organized and tidy.

I used to leave the flour and sugar out when I moved on to mixing up my batter/dough/etc., but six jars jars on the counter will cramp my sense of space to work in.

So I’ve gotten really consistent about putting stuff away as soon as I’m done using it.

I feel like I’m getting the hang of this, even as I wrestle with how far I have to go (where it doesn’t take all my focus to stay on top of).  Because the big deal to me is that I have a known-something to do.

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Whoops, it’s been a While.

And I’m not apologizing, because I’ve been working hard, but *man* it’s been busy.

Usually I like to blog as a memory-keeper, or a processing assistant, but while we’ve had lots happening (and I’ve had plenty to process, believe me) it hasn’t happened at a time to write.

I have been thankful to find a generous serving of gluten-free blogs, and will be adding a specific category to my sidebar (today, I hope: my browser windows are getting pretty congested.)

We’ve been eating (nearly) gluten-free for about a month now.  We’re still minimizing dairy and soy (and I’m *avoiding* eggs), but gluten is the one I’m not budging on.

Since going gluten-free my thoughts and emotions have been much less cloudy, and my energy has been up.  And as challenging as it is, gluten-free is the most discretely (as in, clean, individual, recognizable steps) doable.

Everything requires multiple steps before I can begin, and I get frustrated at how I’m not organized enough to have food ready before we’re all hungry. Frustrated that I turn into a bear (yes, even with the bear-outbreaks I’m sticking with my assertion I’m more stable). I do have days when it works, and I wish I took better notes, so I know why and can try to recreate those days.

One thing that helps is keeping dried fruits and nuts in the house (other than peanuts and almonds, that is). I’m getting to where I think of those before I stretch too far and the quick sugar/fat/protein combo is very helpful.

We’ve purchased a manual grain mill that we’re using to grind our gluten-free grains into a variety of flours. I am totally game to make pasta now, except the pasta maker we were given has been packed into who-knows-what-box. (I’m missing my Vitamix too, but that’s another story)

So I’m learning how to cook completely new things.  And it’s not for our health.  As in, I’m not yet trying to eat “organic” or “local” or to get the kids to consume their 5-a-day of fruits and veggies (I’m happy if they get one!).  I’m just trying to keep food in their tummies and aches out of their bodies.

And, you know, other than meal times (as in, “Mama, my tummy hurts, can I have a snack?” “Nope it’s dinner time, you’re supposed to be hungry.”) we haven’t been having complaints any more.

It’s a truckload of work, I shouldn’t even have my feet up right now– I should be cleaning the kitchen while my kids are watching their movie, so we can try (another) new recipe today.  But it’s good to stop for a minute and say, Wait-a-minute, yeah, I think it’s working!

Tummies took a while to adjust, but I think we’re stabilized now, and have a good idea where to seek our path.

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(Avocado) Chocolate Pudding

K, We’ve got our first “safe” recipe, based off this one.

flesh of 1 avocado
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1/4 cup honey
1/2 tsp vanilla
pinch salt
3-4 ice cubes

Blend until desired consistency.  This can be challenging if you don’t have a talented blender: everything is already thick, and stays thick. You’ll want a means of pressing stuff back into the blades.

The original recipe is like strong chocolate pudding.  Mixing in ice moves it toward a more frosty-like desert.